


Oxymoron

by headphonecables



Series: If Dreams Can Come True (What Does That Say About Nightmares?) [2]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Dreams, Gen, The Spiral Fear Entity (The Magnus Archives)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27561532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headphonecables/pseuds/headphonecables
Summary: The dreams are the worst part. The dreams are the most beautiful. So it dreams of itself and him who is it. // set before 101
Series: If Dreams Can Come True (What Does That Say About Nightmares?) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2013415
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Oxymoron

It doesn't dream. It does not need to sleep so there is no way it can dream. But deep within itself, where the concept of it and him are the same and different, contorted like a funhouse mirror, deep within himself he dreams.

There is no rhyme or reason to them. He doesn't know how bad they are. They are not real enough for it.  
Nothing he sees can exist, the corridors are warped and impossible to travel.  
He looks at his map. It looks back at him, a shard of a mirror. In it is a thing, with sharp teeth, smiling at him. He doesn't smile back and his mouth hurts from the laughter he hears all around him. It is not his laughter but it is.  
He doesn't know, he once said. Does he? No, he knows exactly who he is. But that person is gone, that person was real and this is not reality. He doesn't know what remains of himself. How much is not him and how much he pretends is true.  
The map is useless. He is already where it lead him. He is already what it lead him to be. Did she know? Does it matter? It doesn't.

He, no, it wants to go back to being what is not. He remembers it clearly, but whenever he tries to put it into thoughts he finds he is still too human to comprehend. He wants to feel it. Wants to become part of it again. He longs to be as real as the nonreality he feels within the very absence of his bones. He wants to reach beyond this world, he wants to stop being bound, to the flesh and colours he can warp and morph and to the mind that can still think, that can still distinguish lies and tricks, reality and all that is more. However distorted he may be, however false, he's still too real.

There is guilt and shame within his mind, and no matter how much he pretends to be pretending to feel it, it still feels all too real. Anger at a betrayal that ruined his very existence. That made his unimportant, irrelevant life into something so incomprehensible.  
It scares him, not to be a liar or a monster, because he knows they are just another layer of the unreal in the reality of the world. No, he is scared of being so cut off. He cannot tell if he is acting on instincts his mind makes up, on the need to feed on the question he is, on feelings he harbours deep within that he pretends are there but can't get rid of or if he is a hand being moved by the very thing he has become.  
Is there any sense to his actions? Is it better if there is or if there isn't?

Within itself, within the corridors and the doors, it dreams of itself and of him, the same and yet very distinct, a liar pretending to be not what he pretends to be, and he fears what it is and it fears what he is not.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading my disconnected nonsense, please let me know what you think!


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